To the stars

Send all my thought to you
Till your oceans have filled right through
And on the shores, I will wait for days
...
It's not a cause for alarm
It's a strange and lovely place
Your absence makes me strong
So here I wait...

The thoughts struck me tonight. It's from "The Living" on Neverending White Lights: Act II.

They struck me because I had a pretty wild dream last night. I was together with my family in some foreign place. It was a cool, humid evening under a big canopy with a few tables and bright lights. We were all just visiting, old and young, laughing at my older cousin. He was finding great joy in just darting in between the tables, up and back, and clapping his bare feet together in the air as his whims required. This might seem strange to anyone else, but I've seen him do it. To this day, he's a huge inspiration to me... foot-clapping very much included.

I only remember two people in the dream specifically: my cousin and another. But I could tell I was with family. Wisdom was moving slowly on the other side of the tent and Vivacity and Expression were very busy considering the state of things. I was surrounded by the feeling that everything was alright, like Bob Marley had just left. I was happy to sit in peace while the wind flowed around our legs at the tables.

There was a stiff breeze and a moon illuminating the damp air through the trees. The tent-like structure above us was resting comfortably in a huge indention in what used to be a rock cliff. Balanced and broken, four and five foot boulders rested to make a wall. It felt like the ocean might have been just a stone's throw away out the front of the tent (almost every great memory I have with my family took place at or very near a large body of water). In between the rock, there were some old steps that led up and out to whichever beautiful building might have been our destination that night. It was a great time to be outside. Favoring a Roman air and smiling like yogis, moments of elation were in steady supply. Tears of laughter were on deck, watching each pitch as they came in.

I was perfectly content.

And then the second person arrived.

She walked through the path in the rock, through a visual impasse, and I immediately turned into water. I knew who she was before my eyes even made it all the way to her. A wave of Emotion hit me from behind and pushed me forward. Without even having to lift my feet, I was directly in front of her in absolute amazement. My hands were radiating with Anticipation and everything from the neck-up was now Listening. The warm dynamic under the tent maintained but I could tell there was a new polarity about us. The Wise grew silent and happily retreated into eachother. Expression and Vivacity continued to consider the nature of things, albeit a bit more quietly.

The air was warm and the air was kind. She was much taller than I expected, but I think I was actually just beside myself to see what she'd become. Her hair was inexplicably long and brown, but it could have been green and still a minor detail. As hard as I focused, her face wasn't the same. I couldn't see it at all even though I was right in front of her again for the first time in a lifetime. I finally got a glimpse of her face and, although it was completely different than I remember, it was no less kind. It was the same person. And I was no longer in control of my movements.

Without saying anything, I invited her to walk with me. She agreed in the same peaceful way she always did and we started away from the rocks toward the trees.

Not two steps out did panic strike her and push her back against the rock behind us. She was pinned, raised off the ground and in visible pain. But it seemed to be completely out of both her and my control. I ripped into the air with my voice and screamed like fire toward whatever it was holding her to the rock. Her expression was quiet and reassuring, as always. But she was visibly upset and was either unwilling or unable to help herself. And that's where the dream ended.

I woke up feeling better than I did when I went to sleep. I didn't feel particularly troubled at the end of the dream, so I'm content to let it rest in Metaphor. I got to see my cousin clapping his feet again and got to see a great old friend.

And the lyrics from the song just sorta brought out the details long enough for me to go back to it.

It again feels as if more has taken place than has actually happened.

To the stars.

Happy New Year :)


>>"Star Guitar" from The One Shinichi Osawa